For Couples

If you here it is likely you are looking for some help with your relationship, and exploring if EFT could be helpful for you.

Sue Johnson, the founder of EFT, says in her new book, Love Sense:
“Looking at unhappy partners through the lens of attachment, we see not only what is obviously corrosive in a relationship – that is the turning against each other in conflict – but also what is missing. When love begins to erode, what is missing is the attunement and the emotional responsiveness that goes with it. As responsiveness declines, partners become more vulnerable, and their need for emotional connection becomes more urgent.” (2013, p. 185)

 

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) creates change in the couple relationship. It assists couples to learn to love again, to forgive previous relationship injuries, such as keeping secrets, affairs and other significant hurts.

There are different options you can consider to get help and help yourself:

  1. Counselling/Therapy
  2. Couples Workshops
  3. Individual reading and resources

Counselling/Therapy

Approach and Effectiveness

Couples counselling is the core activity of our EFT Community. EFT is described as a short term, structured approach to marital and couples therapy. Empirical research has supported the effectiveness of EFT, showing that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery and about 90% show significant improvements (the best results of any couple therapy) and evidence shows that these positive effects last over time.

 

De-escalation of Patterns of Disconnecting

Significant improvements are often experienced by a couple as they begin to firstly recognise their pattern of fighting and withdrawing, and then to learn ways of de-escalation so the negative pattern doesn’t take over. Within just a few sessions couples begin to identify and understand more deeply what is going on when they get caught in their negative cycle of interaction, and begin to reduce the frequency, intensity and duration of these negative patterns. It is often a huge relief as this starts to happen.

 

Deepening Bonds of Safety and Asking for Needs to be Met

Couples can then continue to do deeper work together so that with the greater safety and trust in the relationship they are able to work together so that each partner’s needs can be expressed and met in ways that did not seem possible ever before in the relationship. Sometimes to get to this point it is necessary to go back and revisit old deep hurts and injuries in the relationship.

 

Role of the Counsellor

To work at this emotional level with a couple requires that the counsellor is well-trained and skilful in managing what are often tense and fragile relationships at the time the couple come to counselling. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is very well structured to support the counsellor to hear and understand both partners in a caring, compassionate and even-handed way as they learn to explore the sensitive and vulnerable aspects of their relationship.

Individual Reading and Research

If you would like to do your own reading and research – please see the “EFT Resources” sub-page under “For Therapists” for books, DVDs and other internet links.  (link to be inserted)